The darkness of the last few weeks has got me thinking about what depression is. How do we know that we’re not just feeling a little sad, under the weather or something else. Link to the depression post is here
It seems such an obvious question on the surface. You only need to open a newspaper to see the latest celeb discussing personal battles with their errant psychology that knocked them down for a couple of days But, could it be that they’re just sad?
I’ll give you an example. I had a neighbour that lost his dog to illness. His dog was a stunning mastiff. Friendly and built like a mini version of the Sphinx. He died suddenly, which I know is hard to deal with. My neighbour disappeared for a couple of days. Then, when he eventually emerged, I had a chat with him. He said he’d been ‘clinically depressed’ after the death of his friend (I know you dog lovers out there will understand that a dog isn’t just a pet).
Now, I know that clinical depression is real and has specific criteria, which can be found here. Afterall, I experience the joys of it frequently. But, as we chatted, it became clear that my friend, while undoubtedly sad, was not clinically depressed. He was grieving. I’m not trivialising his emotions as I have lost a parent, grandparents, friends and pets, so I’m no stranger to the process – but it does pass or at least gets easier
That conversation got me thinking about why I see depression as different to sadness.
This is only my opinion and I’m not going to go into the biology of depression as I don’t understand it, and I’m not sure the boffins do either! I want to talk about how I see depression as being a deeper emotion than sadness.
“Depression isn’t just being a bit sad. It’s feeling nothing. It’s not wanting to be alive anymore.”
J.K. Rowling
For me, it is a darker, more unpredictable, emotion that sadness. It’s like your whole soul shrinks into itself. The world takes on a grey tinge and you feel detached from existence. I feel it’s like a flame going out or a heavy blanket dropping over me. That bit inside the soul that makes life enjoyable, disappears. I can see the beauty of life, but it feels remote, untouchable. Depression arrives with no reason that I can identify, usually. My whole body slows, and my mind refuses to work.
I remember walking the dogs one day. Going out happy, looking forward to a weekend with the family. Then, as I walked along the country lane watching my dogs play, I felt like a weight descended on me. The bird song became annoying, and I started to cry. That lasted three days.
Then, just as quickly as it descended, the clouds shifted, and I felt the Sun burn through the fog of misery. I started to laugh again. Nothing had changed, my world was still the same, but the depression had lifted.
There was no reason for the depression, it just happened. No one had died, the neighbours were acting human for once and we had few money worries. It’s that very unreasonableness that has me convinced there’s a biological reason for depression, but scientists still have a lot to learn about the mystery of the brain before that can be proven.
It’s also why I think sadness is something different.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that sadness is still serious and makes life harder than it needs to be. But like with my friend, I think sadness generally has a cause. For him, it was losing his dog and going through the stages of grief. For me, it’s been things like family illness, life events and other temporary problems.
Once the issue has resolved, the sadness lifts. Either by working through the grief or other causative issue. The darkness that I spoke about earlier that manifest with depression, smothering all enjoyment in life, doesn’t happen with sadness. At least in my experience.
Yes, I feel down. The tears come easy, and I inhale comfort food, but the spark is still there. Just hiding behind the sadness. It’s hard to explain and impossible to adequately produce a comparison. I just feel different. Maybe I have hope when I’m sad, none with depression.
“Sadness is a temporary cloud, but within it lies the power to nurture a stronger soul.”
Is it possible for sadness to become depression?
Yes, I would say so. If it carries on after whatever made you sad has resolved, or you just can’t function for weeks on end. Then I would say that’s depression.
Let me make it clear, though. Both sadness and depression are reasons to ask for help. Don’t suffer in silence, speak out.
To conclude, I’ll have a go at a metaphor. If you imagine those old oil lamps that had a wick you burnt to produce light. When you get the wick just right, the flame burns bright – that’s normal life. Then, for some reason, you decide to mess with it and the flame dims – that’s sadness. You stop messing and the flame recovers, burning brightly.
Then, for no discernible reason, the flame goes out. You check the wick, oil and everything else the lamp needs. Everything’s right, but the flame has gone out.– that’s is how I describe depression.
I think that’s the key difference– sadness is temporary and usually has a cause. Like our lamp, sort the issue and the sadness lifts. Depression is a horridness that appears out of nowhere and removes your soul until it decides to return it.
I feel my spark returning slowly. I can concentrate more than I could last week. So, fingers crossed in hope, I should be able to return to my wellness journey soon.
Thanks for reading.
Steve